Toxic Positivity Vs True Healthy Life Changing Positive Thinking

Learn How To Identify Toxic Positivity And Make Sure You're Not Becoming One Yourself!

In today's world, we are surrounded by Toxic Positivity. It's everywhere—from the people we surround ourselves with to what we read on social media. 

It is not easy to spot and even harder to avoid, but the good news is that you don't have to live in a world of Negativity. We all know that Toxic Positivity is a dangerous thing. 

If you're a positive person yourself, you might have difficulty seeing how you can become a Toxic positive person. 

But the fact is that you can, and you'll find out how here. Positive people are great. But they can also be a real pain in the neck. 

So how do you identify Toxic Positivity?
And how do you make sure you're not becoming one yourself? 
Let's look at signs of Toxic Positivity and what to do about them.

You should be positive, but it needs to be based on reality, not delusional fantasies. You know those people who are always so happy? 

They have their whole world wrapped up in a positive bubble. I call it "invisible" because many people don't know what it is. 

Most people's brains could be better at processing negatives. But, on the other hand, they're much better at looking for positives in a situation. 

We're naturally programmed to ignore anything we don't want in our lives because it's not good for us. 

We learned that almost everyone had experienced the Toxic Positivity effect. And why is it so dangerous?

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic Positivity is feeling really happy when you aren't actually happy. It's a kind of happiness that makes you feel miserable. 

I know what you mean, but in this case, a fake smile is the most genuine thing to do when you are unhappy, or hey, my friend, just don't smile. 

Toxic Positivity can either come from your experience with someone else, or the later you have it with yourself. 

Both ways of how Toxic Positivity appears are 'Damaging.' 

Three Dangers of Being Too Positive

I have confessions to make; I'm a huge fan of Positivity. I love positive people. I love positive thinking. I love positive energy. I love positive vibes. I love being around positive people. 

Am I done? Nope. Here I go again...

I choose my friend. I choose who I want to be with. I choose who I want to talk with. I choose if I want to pick up that call. 

I even choose whom in my family member I want to spend time with. I can go for 3-4 years or even more without meeting family members I don't want to see. 

Huh.... and the list goes on... 

And I'm not the only one!

Everyone constantly looks for the positive and wants to surround themselves with people who share their positive outlook on life. 

It's understandable—positive people are fun and generally happier than negative people.

But there could be a problem with this mentality…

It can be Toxic! Worst still, you need to learn how to spot it!

#1: You Get All-weathered People Surrounding You 

There are two types of friends or family members. 

It's either The All-weathered or The Rainy-weathered.

The Rainy-weathered is your constant companion, support system, and best friend. 

They will be by your side through the hard times, the ups and downs, the highs and lows. 

They don't coat what they say; they say what they see and listen. 

They are literally your close friends you can depend on, family members you can trust, or your co-workers. (as long as they are willing to put up with you)

And then there's The All-weathered. 

The one who says they will stick around for a while and then leaves when you need help.

They can be supportive but back off with reasons when things get tense. 

They'll say that you should laugh off your troubles, things will be better tomorrow, you are thinking too much, I believe in you that you can be better, and many more Toxic Positivity phrases. 

Here's an example from Charles, a friend of mine: 

After having a bad day and I wanted some 'ME' time, I was silent for a while. 

Then, finally, he responded, 'You never text me first, or I've already given you bits of advice' and 'Everything happens for a reason.' 

I know he was trying to be friendly, but it made me feel like my feelings were completely invalid and that he got offended when I did not text him first. 

So, who is Toxic here? 

When your friend needs an ear of compassion, your encouragement should be sincere and authentic, not positive! 

When you are vulnerable, your friend knows you speak from your heart. 

Friends you share your secrets with are much more likely to keep them as they feel comfortable confiding in you.

There's another scenario where I experienced Toxic Positivity that made me even angrier…

I was sharing my disappointment in the workload that happened to me at work with my other colleague about how frustrated I was. 

I was told, 'Well, at least you have a job, and you are lucky'… I mean, what? I don't get this job because I'm lucky! It was from my 10 years of expert work experience, and it instantly felt like my frustration just didn't matter and invalidated my feelings entirely. I actually get angrier!"

#2: Your Negative Jar Build-up Before You Know It

Whatever boiling without .... it boils more and more! 

Sometimes we get negative about life, and letting those feelings out is helpful.

Positivity has a jar for it, and the same goes for Negativity! 

Every time you experience negative thoughts or feelings, the jar fills a little more each time. 

You'll eventually get negative thoughts in your head.

It happens. 'Can you avoid it?' or 'Should you can let it flow?'

The more you ignore Negativity and refuse to focus on negative situations, the more it will increase in size and the more you will become aware of its existence.

Yes, we are. Terrified. Scared. Happy. Cry. Let it flow because we are only humans. 

We will always have emotions. We will always feel things. And when you look in the mirror, what do you see? Are you a happy person or a sad one? 

If you are sad, what is the reason? Is it because of the bad things that happened in your life? Or maybe because of the lack of money? Or maybe because of a relationship that didn't work out? 

If it was a good relationship, why did it not work out? What was the problem? You need to analyze everything and determine why this situation happened. 

Never pretend or behave as if nothing happen and smile through it. Never let your negative jar build up before you know it.

#3: It Makes You Sad and Distanced. Period

Regardless of how much we like to pretend otherwise, we are all social animals who rely heavily on social expectations. 

And it's not just what people tell you that dictates your social expectations. 

For example, we often project what we want onto other people's body language when they aren't even aware of our own body language.

The next time you feel sad, stop and look around. If you see others having a good time, or if there's nothing you can do, it's okay. 

Positive thinking and being positive are two things. 

Let's see if what you say can change how we can say NO to Toxic Positivity…

Examples of Toxic Positivity phrases that really make you sad and distanced are:

• "Think positive!"
• "Don't say a negative thing."
• "Well, everything happens for a reason."
• "Look at the bright side!"
• "You must smile more."
• "You worry too much."
• "It's a blessed, else it could be worse."
• "It's all okay."

It is believed to ask people should maintain a positive mindset. It's a "good vibes only" approach to life. 

But it never changes the Negativity to Positivity! So my friend, when Negativity visits you… 

So, What Do You Do?

Tip 1: Replaced Word For Word

Instead of saying these Toxic phrases, replace them with:

• "I know things can get really hard, but you know... I'm here for you."
• "It must be difficult. Tell me about it."
• "Do you want to talk about it?"
• "It sounds almost impossible to see the result at the moment, but we are together in this, and let's see now what we can do."
• "Is everything alright?"
• "Tell me what I can do to make it less stressful for you?"
• "It's tough; tell me, what can I do for you?"
• "Let me know if I can help?"

We are all guilty of being positive, but we must also learn to identify Toxic Positivity. 

If careless, you can become a victim of your own Positivity. 

Hence learn by 1% every day so you don't become one yourself.

Tip 2: Use Time-Space Meditation Method

1. Sit straight up to relax your muscle. 
2. Relax by tensing the muscles to the max and then releasing them. 
3. Do it part by part, from the face muscle to the toe muscle.
4. Close your eyes and count backward from 100 to 1 to allow step-back time.
5. At this stage, many would ask, "How do we free the mind from this stage?" Know that our brains are always active, we always think, and the brainwave will just keep moving.
6. Tell yourself this is completely okay and let all your thoughts flow in, and "Make no decision" because "A time-space is about to develop."​
7. In your "Time-Space" now, acknowledge all the Negativity and recognize it by asking why it happens.
8. Here might take some time. It is like the positive part of you is talking to the negative part of it, "The Silent Self-talk."
9. If you are too sad now, you might have some reaction at this stage, where you might cry out loud, tear silently, or even relentlessly self revenging; etc. (You might ask, what's this?)​

Now here's the magic that happened because this is when "A Time-Space" developed in your brain to allow fragmentation to take place. (Stimulus-Responses Reaction)

What Should You Do When This Occurs?​

So be it, allow it, let it out, and don't stop it. 

It's the positive part of you fighting with your negative part. 

Let them do the job. You will know when it is done. 

You knew and felt it now, and you have allowed Negativity to flow from the top of your head to the deep inside your soul and mind. 

You should feel much relieved at this stage as the time-space created and developed a conversation between your positive and negative sides of you, leading to a settlement consensus. ​

What if you still feel the Negativity even after those processes? 

Take a book (diary, personal talk book, etc.), and write all you want by journaling it down. What if you don't like journaling? Bring a smartphone, press record, then talk. That's journaling too.​

Done? When you are ready, say bye-bye to Negativity.​

​

What Not To Do Instead?

Major Social Media Posting.

Stop posting positive thoughts on social media when you are sad because it doesn't help your emotion after posting. 

Therefore, when you perform viral posting, you are implying Toxic Positivity. 

Furthermore, you are implying to society that you must be positive even when you are sad and worse; you are not allowed to be negative because social media posts are drawn to all affirmations to stay positive. ​

While it is true but how? 

How do you stay positive when the negative is here? 

Both of them have not met in time-space to settle among themselves, and just by posting positive thoughts viral would it help?

Both the positive and negative elements need a twister combination to make up Positivity. 

In short, Positivity doesn't exist if neither part has reached harmony. Hence, find a way to harmonize your emotion.

​ 

Rooting for you,

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